Not to be overly modest, but throughout the years the Brothers Johnson (BJ) have spent a considerable amount of our lives being hot. It's ok. We don't mind while you take a second to agree. However, one question that has come up on numerous occasions is, "Which Johnson is hotter?" Being the overly competitive people we both are, it's only fair if I write this assessment as subjectively as possible so that it is skewed to my advantage.

It's pretty safe to say that ESPN has been one of those networks that is slowly growing into the malignant tumor that is deeply rooted inside of our brains.

2004 was the year of the Livestrong bracelets. 2005 brought upon the "We all have AIDS" t-shirts. Which "causal" fad will sweep this nation under god in 2006? I've got a couple of ideas:

1. The "we are homeless" outfit- In honor of the victims of Hurricane Katrina and anyone else whose home was taken away from them by tornadoes, hurricanes, or loch ness monster attacks. This fad will only last for a short period of time when people begin to realize this fad already happened in 2001 when Mugatu unveiled "DERELICTE."

It smacks of sarcasm. It's ripe with wit. It is my bible. My holy gospel. My code. It's exactly the kind of Sunday-read any good man needs. I'm nominating it for a pulitzer. Hell, I'm tempted to call up Penguin Books and have it reincarnated into an "instant classic," alongside Oliver Twist and Pride & Prejudice. Yes, the tome I am referring to is none other than the Word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Tis finally time for it to stop snowing, the booze to start flowing, and skin to start showing. Ahh yes, spring is upon us and it couldn't come at a different time (mainly because time is a fixed measurement and cannot be altered without warping space fabric, but I digress).

Being that I am in the advertising world, I felt it very apropos to make necessary adjustments to some of our most beloved and "effective" ads in the amazing history of this great nation, under God.

You know, I don't want to come off sounding anti-semitic, but I'm willing to risk it for the price of being right.

If there is one thing that really gets me riled up, it's people who don't shower because of their faith in a supreme being. Ok, I get it. People believe in God and I've accepted that. What you believe in has no affect on me and what I believe in. Fine. But the second you sit next to me on a PATH train, smelling like some kind of weird mixture of cat urine, 4-day old cottage cheese, and a still-born fetus, is the second your fucked up belief structure DOES affect me.

In the spirit of weirdness, I thought I'd dig up some of my favorite obscure shows from my childhood. I used to watch all of these shows, for reasons completely lost on me, and just thinking about them brings me to a completely different planet. These are those shows that are tucked away in the back my brain, and probably weren't meant to be brought back out. If you know me, you know thats precisely why i chose to go there.