Pat Robertson: God told me of 'mass killing' in 2007 _{[FROM CNN.COM]}

Some of you have posted anonymously and may have noticed that your posts weren't showing up. This was because anonymous posters are considered spammers unless they are approved by either myself or my brother.

Holy shit-filled bamboo chutes. My asshole has puckered and I've turned into a soft-core porn star. I've lost my street-cred. I've shed metaphorical tears and wallowed in my own self-pity. I've created a smelly fart in the swirling winds surrounding my nostrils. I've been pussified.

If Dante were alive and  commuting on the downtown green line this morning, he would have added a tenth circle of hell to the Inferno. Let me explain:

Ok so I've been gone for a while, and I know no one really wondered why, but I'll tell you anyway. I decided to enroll at ITT tech, and somehow I came up with the money. I went there for about two quarters, and aside from that day I was locked out of the school during a tornado warning, and watched the tornado go right by I might add, everything seemed to be fine. But things got complicated, I got a girlfriend who for some reason is turned on by the fact that I can name off all the star trek captains from memory. This girl is very special to me, so I've decided to drop out of college so I can save up money to buy a car and go see her more often. Yes, I know, stupid, but hey, I'm young and I can make stupid mistakes. Although the last stupid decision I made landed me in the middle of a swamp full of dead bodies, and my parents were all like "I told you so!"

What do Joe Camel and Santa have in common? The government has banned them both and for the same reason... well almost. The New York State Liquor Authority has banned 6 beers from being sold this holiday season. The reason? The labels are too warm and cheery, and the SLA thinks that they may entice underage drinkers to buy it. Ummm. OK. Remember the days of underage drinking? Getting your brother or sister to run to the liquor store for you? Or getting your freakishly hairy 18 year old friend to give it a shot? What was it that we were after? Bud, Coors, Natty Ice or anything cheap enough to get the most beer for your buck. Did any of us say: "Hey I want to spend $5 or $6 A BOTTLE for an imported German Dopplebock? or $5 to $6 A BOTTLE on a domestic Nut Brown Pale Ale?" Are you kidding me with this? Santa and his elves appeal to toddlers and adults alike. But teenagers? What do teenagers think about? Sex, Sex, Food, Sex, Sleep, Sex, Sex, Homework, Sex. And what is the number one image we see over and over again in beer commercials? Hot women, hot guys, boobs, butts, and twins. But put Santa on a label? Outrageous!!! Scandalous!! Think of the children!

I work in pharmaceuticals.

I find that whenever I say this, I must defend myself as if I was the local pedofile. I've heard it all: "Well if you're here, who is running hell?"

It was boundless and infinitely simple. I found the answers to my ____ in a rotting hole on 11th street.

Locale: 4th ave. New York fucking city.

Wait. Step back. The situation was totally mucked. You wake up and put your shoes on. You squirm into some fad-driven clothing arrangement. You think. What's next? Perhaps some coffee. Then the swirling lapse of existence sinks in. Your momentary reason of simply being is captured in that singular pinnacle of the fleeting now. Breathe. It's only a passing thing. Your heart flutters without intent. It just does it. Ample time to get to a hospital. Or not. You stumble towards the seemingly distant staircase, pounding on your chest, hoping to revel in the effectiveness of your shitty organs.  Breathe deep. Count to 5. No ten. Ok 5.

No, you read that right. I just turned twenty. I refuse to turn thirty, so I'm doing my twenties over again. But then again, as I look back over my twenties, I realized something: Why on earth would I want to be twenty again? My twenties SUCKED! Holy crap I'm so glad I'm thirty. Thirty is going to be a great year... My last few days as a twenty something were amazing, but the first few days as a thirty something have been much, much better. Ahhh the joys of turning 30,  I woke up, got dressed, and went out to dinner, then I went to a bar, drank tequila after tequila, and almost got punched in the face by an ex-linebacker for the New York Giants... come to think of it, my first day as a thirty year old was exactly like the first day as a twenty year old! Haha, ten years and I haven't learned a goddamn thing.  But having making it out of my twenties alive, I'd like to share some of the lessons I've learned:

Friday, October 27th, was a spectacular day... a day that witnessed the miracle of birth in more than one way.

As a soon to be attorney, I work in the legal department of a TV Production company on the Jersey Shore. It's a very laid back environment with jeans and tees worn by editors, producers, and licensors alike. Everyone knows everyone as well as their business. For this reason, I had no problem standing up and announcing that my dear friend Sarah was in labor, upon the receipt of her text in the early afternoon: