I know this is so yesterday's news (literaly), but in the vein of weird crap and moms I feel compelled to share this story.  So, the NY Times came out with an article yesterday about a new cell phone ring that is literally unhearable (word?) to adult ears.  The paydirt being that kids can recieve calls and texts during class unbeknownst to teachers.

Convicts hitch copter ride out of Greek jail

06 June 2006

ATHENS: A helicopter landed in the middle of the high security Athens Korydallos prison, picked up two prisoners and flew away in a Hollywood-style escape that has left Greek police stunned.

As you may have read in todays headlines, a man was attacked today by a lioness in a Ukrainian Zoo. 

The man willingly walked into the lion's cage saying, "God will save me, if He exists." 

I can't help it.

I reflect on relationships entirely too much. Period. This strikes me as a sociopathic way to lead a life. What good does it do to try and fix things that are innately un-fixable? It's cranial masochism and I've tried any and all preventative measures, to no avail.

It's ok that I'm funnier than you. It's ok that I'm smarter than you. It's ok that I could beat you at any video game, sport, quiz, race, match, board game, challenge, IQ test, and lasso competition.

With the advent of the "disappearance" of our resident headline-basher, I decided to take a gander at this gaff for once. I didn't need to look any further than cnn.com for the horrific headlines that are transmitted to millions of viewers daily. The jokes practically write themselves. After reading the headlines and the articles they link to, it became readily apparent to me that these articles have little or NOTHING to do with anything of value or importance. Which makes them funny to me.

I sit here, music playing loud from my computer, I can't help to think about what I should be doing with my life in the weeks to come....

Here's the deal:  Just got a new job, going to be working in NYC, not starting the new job until July, lots of free time, where should I go? What should I do?

Dearest Friend,

You know I love you. I value your opinions. I respect your ability to interpret and comprehend.

This time though, you go too far.

I signed in to gmail this morning and this is the e-mail I received from my friend.

a good friend of mine sent me a link: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=268346

Most of you don't know this about me: I am a certified gender expert.

It's true. I have been through 25 years of training. I have the emotional (and sometimes physical) scars to prove it. Throughout my life, I have always had some sort of vaginal and/or penile energy, influencing my decisions. For instance, yesterday I contemplated buying a new shirt because I have no clothes since I am too lazy to do laundry. This is a pretty common scenario for men. So I walked in to the GAP right outside of my office and perused the store. Immediately I went to the sale rack, and found a couple shirts that I was certainly not crazy about, but then again I rarely get "crazy" about an outfit. That particular emotion is reserved for the vageenis'. Back to my story. So I was about to buy these shirts that probably would have given me a summer or two at best. As I went up to the line to pay, the penile influence of my father was shouting in my ear "Don't do it. You need to start saving money. You don't need those shirts. Wear your clothes until they have holes in them and THEN you can go shopping." So, I put the clothes back on the rack. Penis: 1. Vageenis: 0.