A self-fulfilling screed:

I indulge every whim that I cross. I'm a wine-lover but a beer-drinker. I travel a lot but not nearly enough. When I'm not out fulfilling my fantastical desires to be consistently drunk, I am seeking truth and progress. I try to be funny, and judging by the reaction of my peers, I'm damn good at it. I believe life has a direct comparison to the video game Contra; Some people only make it to level 3, some make it to level 10 but no one can beat the game, or life, without the "up, up, down, down" cheat. I believe in legalizing prostitution and marijuana and I would never do either. The day a fart isn't funny to me, is the day I will euthanize. I make a lot of mistakes but don't mistake that as a bad thing. I'm always looking for a trivia game to play.  I often wonder what I would do if I came across a grizzly bear in the wild. Or a great-white shark. I think women are a consistenly misunderstood species. I think anyone who believes in a Judaeo-christian-muslim-pastafarian god should not have a say on any issue that requires rational thought. I strive for the next step in life, regardless if others think it's up or down. I believe a lot can be derived about a person by what they do when they get to a river in Oregon Trail. I'm a "caulk it and float across" kind of guy. My favorite dinosaur is by far the stegosaurus. I love baseball more than chinese food. I love chinese food more than that 80s band "Simple minds." Oh, and I love women.

If you find yourself wanting more, let's go out for a drink and I'll fill you in on the rest.