Guards Try Tickle Torture at Guantánamo Bay
Due to pressure from the international community and hippies the world over, Marines at Guantanamo Bay have had to get "creative" with their interrogation methods. The U.S. government has had to open the detention center to allow for compliance with the Geneva Convention. The Geneva Conventions states: "No physical or mental torture, nor any other form of coercion, may be inflicted on prisoners of war to secure from them information of any kind whatever. Prisoners of war who refuse to answer may not be threatened, insulted, or exposed to any unpleasant or disadvantageous treatment of any kind." Literally translated to mean: "If you have a prisoner of war, you may ask him a question, he may refuse to answer, and you can't do anything about it." The proof is in a newly leaked transcript of an interrogation session with a member of Al-Qaeda:
Marine: Do you know where Osama Bin Laden is?
AQ: No
Marine: OK, I'll ask again tomorrow. May I get you a pillow? Maybe a virgin or two?
Many Marines were frustrated with this type of questioning and have had to resort to more "creative" methods. Col. Jake Baker had this to offer: "Since we aren't allow to do anything that may be considered unpleasant, we decided to go the opposite direction: Over-pleasure. What most Americans know as Tickle-Torture." The Marines now go into a cell, hold the POW down, and tickle him to tears. "It was an odd experience at first, but hey, we aren't allowed to do anything else" said Col. Baker "We always knew the international position on Guantanamo Bay was laughable, but this is ridiculous."
Ridiculous? Yes, but effective. Since the start of the new initiatives, there have been 140,234 arrests made world-wide, largely due to the information gathered at "The Bay." Since Operation Tickle-Me-Arab was such a success, the U.S. military has plans to expand its position on over-pleasuring their prisoners. "Not everyone is ticklish," said PFC Mary Headron "so we're going to attempt other methods such as: The Zurbert, The Raspberry or the dreaded Armpit Fart." When asked why these methods were so effective, Col. Baker offered: "Religious zealots the world over may hate each other, themselves and anyone not like them, but what is the one thing they hate most of all? Laughter." Here's to fighting the war on terror with a feather and a smile.
Dude this is hilarious. I
Dude this is hilarious. I think it's outrageous that we don't allow torture of our privately held captives. Before you peg me a monster, consider the following:
If torturing the lives of some known (or even suspected) terrorists who have ties to Al Qaeda, can save the life of your daughter, would you be more inclined to allow this atrocious act? The answer would unequivocally be "yes." But is our situation really much different? These self-proclaimed messengers of God are blowing innocents up on an unprecedented scale. Consider the Iraqi family who can't allow their children to run to the store to get milk because of the fear that they might not (or probably will not) ever return? It's real.
Put aside reasoning for a second. What about ethical/moral problems with torturing. Surely, torturing another human is not a natural or civil act. As we strive towards a better tomorrow, torture seems a step back in our moral world. However, this is a look at the small picture. If you expand the horizons of morality and think of it as a code for everything rather than a rule in certain situations, then it becomes clear that the end result is a better tomorrow, no matter how it is achieved. Let's forget our societal concerns for moral peace and torture the fuck out of these assholes. Even if for just a chance to get a better understanding about what their glorious plans are. Because I'm pretty positive (almost willing-to-bet-my-life-on-it positive) that it involves killing you, me, and tons of other innocents.
Are our lives really worth the price of immorality?
True, but you're missing one
True, but you're missing one thing. Our boys overseas. While I'd love to strap down every suspected terrorist and MAKE him tell us where Bin Laden is, we have to balance our own hatred against theirs. I'm all for torture to gain information, but we have to be careful how MUCH torture we give out. When one of our boys gets captured overseas, they're going to face a world of pain relative to our treatment of our own prisoners. But with that being said, the real reason for my "news" article was this zero-pain, zero-discomfort policy tree-huggers are pushing. We don't live in a world where simple diplomacy is effective when talking to morally bankrupt terrorists. Just my two cents.
So, can the enemies torture
So, can the enemies torture " your boys"? Are you really sure that they are terrorist? If anyone is innocent? Would you like being tortured for a " unfortunately mistake"? Do you not reckon you are a terrorist if you were under torture? do you want to live in a world that use the torture? What is the difference between us and them? I feel myself so scared with us as with your enemies.And, a last "cent". There aaren't relation between 11-S and irak, the relation is between Irak and Oil Corporations.
I hate when I have to
I hate when I have to explain a joke. It just ruins it.... THIS ARTICLE WAS A JOKE! No one has tried tickle torture at Gitmo... But I think Billy Madison's Principal said it best: "what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." Moron.
learn something
Hey Idiots,
thought I'd join this discussion on behalf of everyone in America who has half a brain. no, make that a quarter. Obviously your post was a joke. DUH. and obviously "Anonymous Citizen" knew that, they were just responding to the discussion of the use of torture, since all the other posts were clearly discussing it and were in favor of it. wake up and read your own thread before responding blindly and sounding stupid. Granted, "Anonymous Citizen" used poor grammar and rambling sentence structure. However, they made some good points. For example, they made the good point that if we begin openly torturing our prisoners of war we face the very real possibility of our own soldiers being tortured far worse when they are captured. read the news, geniuses. American soldiers/prisoners have not been treated all that badly when they have been captured. However, if we start tearing fingers off of "suspected" terrorists, then Americans will definitely face more danger, not less. This brings me to defend "Anonymous Citizen"'s second point. How do you know that the person you are torturing is even a terrorist? Based on the weak, faulty and terrible intelligence that America displayed in leading America into war with Iraq, I think its safe to say that they may not have any idea if even half of the prisoners at Guantanamo know anything. And think for a second. THEY PROBABLLY DON'T. Osama uses a weakly defined and loosely connected guerrilla network...most of the men under him have NO IDEA where he is, or what his greater plans are. READ THE STUDIES. torture is EXTREMELY ineffective. under torture or duress most people admit to whatever they are being accused of or will give any random answer to the questions being asked just in order to stop the torture. Thereby, they don't help American intelligence at all or give them any more information. The idea that torture helps you get information is faulty and wrong. While I am a utilitarian and whole-heartedly agree that torture would be worth it if it saved lives, I HAVE done the reading and HAVE done the research and HAVE looked at studies, and therefore I am aware that torture leads to faulty and innacurrate intelligence given by desperate men to stop the pain. It doesn't provide the truth. It doesn't save lives or help America, except for in the movies or on TV. ummmm....the show "24" is fiction, idiots. The men at Guantanamo DON'T know where Osama is. there is no point in torturing them. Lastly...you actually think we AREN'T torturing them? you try being bound in a position that nearly dislocates your shoulders, with your legs bent back and a bright light on your face, and left there for more than 24 hours, and tell me that you don't consider that torture. Now add a man screaming in your face and waving a gun at your head and dogs snarling just inches away. Or how about waterboarding? The strongest of men have lasted no more than 2 minutes of this torture before breaking down sobbing and "admitting" or "answering" whatever is asked of them. I bet you tough guys couldn't last 5 whole seconds. These things are legally done at Guantanamo all the time.
i never post on online forums. It's a waste of time, and I have better things to do. But you morons are so misinformed that i Just HAD to take the opportunity to speak out on behalf of the educated section of our great nation's population. have fun with your big egos, small penises, and empty brains.
I think the simplest way to
I think the simplest way to put this is: If you think Americans should torture prisons, around 85% of which are completely innocent, then those in the middle east should be allowed to kidnap and torture your soldiers/citizens. You'd be a hypocrit and an idiot if you would say otherwise.
Wow. I especially like the
Wow. I especially like the part about our "big egos and small penises."
Ironic much?
I guess I should stop posting on other people's web sites about how big their egos are because telling other people how stupid and misinformed they are is by definition the most self aggrandizing thing I could do.
Oh wait. No.
That's you, dipshit.