Ten hours each way to Charlotte, North Carolina to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers play 3 songs at a Nascar Race rendered me and Monica utterly exhausted. Was it worth it, many have asked... to which we reply, "Hell Yes. We'd do it again in a heart beat." We met some bad ass people we hope to keep in touch with for many years to come; we rocked out 10 feet from Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante, and Chad Smith; we actually attended a Nascar event, which is certainly something we never thought we'd say; and we come back to you with many a funny spoken word. Some you'll get, some you won't... Most likely, we'll just look crazy to you, to which we respond, "Fuck it. We are crazy."

THE GREATEST BILLBOARD AWARD GOES TO:
"Holy is the name of Jesus." In small letters at the bottom right: "Brought to you by God, the Father." (Southbound on I-95, just past the center city Philly exits).

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY QUOTES:

Monica: (after driving an hour to meet me in Princeton) "When I got into New Brunswick, it got freakishly cold and dark and the sky opened up and ate me."

Mon to Jess: (20 minutes into the trip) "You're really good at the mouth guitar."

Jess, retarded: "I love that I can see Delaware signs already! Wait... Wilmington is in Delaware right?"

Mon: "Sometimes I wish I was a hick cause, I mean... Stop laughing, let me explain... know what I mean?"
Jess: "No. No I don't."

Mon: "LET EVERYONE HEAR!" (as she pushes the wrong button which opens the wrong window which rips our "North Carolina or Bust. Chili Pepper Pit Stop. V.I.P. Baby" sign.

Mon: "A drawbridge? Awww... It's like going to a castle. The Castle of Virginia."

Mon: (After spilling gas all over herself and the car) "If we blow up I'm going to be really pissed."

Jess: (about Monica driving) "I feel like if you were any closer to the windshield you could lick it!"

Billy to Jess: (On the phone, after he talked to Monica) "She's not very talkative is she?"
Jess: "What did you say?"
Billy: "She's not very talkative."
Jess: "OH... I thought you said 'She's not very competent!'"

Jess: (after being on the road after 6 hours) "I have ridiculous amounts of energy."
Mon: (reaking of the gas she spilled all over herself) "Maybe you're sniffing my fumes."

Jess: (Upon finding her nail file broken) "NOOOOO!"
Mon: "OH MY GOD! DON'T EVER DO THAT IN A CREEPY CREEPY AREA. YOU SOUNDED LIKE A KILLER!" (while driving in the middle of the night through the backwoods of Virginia... straight out of Deliverance)

Mon: (after 9 hours of driving) "It smells like rotting meat."
Jess: "It might be my feet."
Mon: "Can I write that down?"
Jess: "Yes."

Jess: (out of nowhere) "The next exit is going to be 69... I've been waiting for it." (2 seconds later) "NOOO! They went right to 68! That is some BULLSHIT! Fuck you 68."

Mon: (after arriving at the hotel at 3am) "So apparently you are in charge of keys and gas. I'll be in charge of looking good."

Mon to Jess: (4am) "How come nobody's snatched us up yet? Except fake people! You get snatched up by fictitious characters!"

Jess: "Our breakfast is fantastical." (Doritos and Baked Lays)
Mon: "Ooooh! Soda Pop too! It's the breakfast of champions for Nascar!"
Jess: "It's better than Bud Light."
Mon: "Is it?"

Drunk Shirtless Boys: (screaming to us while we wait in the line to park our car) "FREE BREAST EXAM!!" (so we turn to look the other way, only to find the guys in the car to the other side of us giving us the "shocker" sign. Nice.)

Mon: "I really wanna make-out with a dirty gross boy. Is that weird?"

Mon: "Damn you 5 chicken nuggets. Damn you straight to hell!"

AT THE CONCERT/NASCAR RACE QUOTES: (Garret, Mama N - aka Nancy, Kelly, and Brannon are our new favorite people that we met at the Chili Pepper show)

Kelly to Jess: "You have the longest eyelashes I've ever seen."
Jess: "Maybe it's Maybeline."

Kelly to Garret: "You know Wayne's World and I'm 33% older than you!"
Mama N: "That would make you 60."
Kelly: "I don't do math."

Garret: "The surly skies are over yonder." (he just really wanted to say over yonder... so we wrote it down.)

Brannon: "You can get q-tips, a case of oil, a can of fake snow, tampons, and a 12-pack of beer at 3am down here!" (talking passionately about the Super Walmart)
Jess to Garret: "He said tampons. That's a real man. Write that down."
Brannon: "And before 9 you can get your tires rotated and your keys copied!"

Brannon: "Go to the handicap bathroom. Just limp there. Just pretend you have a shit load of scoliosis and drag a leg and you'll get in. I mean really... Who's gonna question a cripple? Drag a foot. Don't drag a leg. You guys are in law... it's what's on paper."

Mon: (a million times while we waited 4 hours for the Chili Peppers to come on) "I'M READY!" (with her arms raised straight up with the disposable camera)

THE MORNING AFTER QUOTES:

Mon: "God really hates me in North Carolina!"

Jess: "It's cool gettin' beer in a gas station and all... but I really miss the North."

ON THE ROAD AGAIN:

Jess: "Can I get a pack of Parliament Lights?"
Gas Station Lady: "WHAT?!?!"
Mon: (2 minutes later back in the car) "Yeah, she had no idea what you were saying. We apparently don't fit in. There's a language barrier. She's thinking why are they wearing so much black and why are their sunglasses so big!"

Mon: "It was cool because I knew all the songs they played!"
Jess: "All THREE songs."
Mon: "It's a good thing they didn't play four."

Mon to Jess: (as Jess drives the wrong away around some ass-backwards shopping center in Oxford, North Carolina - Take 2) If you hit the old church ladies, you're going straight to Hell."