Ya know the old saying: "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself?" Well the problem with our site is that we don't actually own the hardware and OS that runs it. Who owns it? A small hosting company.

I can't help it.

I reflect on relationships entirely too much. Period. This strikes me as a sociopathic way to lead a life. What good does it do to try and fix things that are innately un-fixable? It's cranial masochism and I've tried any and all preventative measures, to no avail.

It's ok that I'm funnier than you. It's ok that I'm smarter than you. It's ok that I could beat you at any video game, sport, quiz, race, match, board game, challenge, IQ test, and lasso competition.

With the advent of the "disappearance" of our resident headline-basher, I decided to take a gander at this gaff for once. I didn't need to look any further than cnn.com for the horrific headlines that are transmitted to millions of viewers daily. The jokes practically write themselves. After reading the headlines and the articles they link to, it became readily apparent to me that these articles have little or NOTHING to do with anything of value or importance. Which makes them funny to me.

Apparently a fairly popular blog written in French cited one of my blog posts! I went to google and had the page translated...

Yet another eye straining photo has come out for our viewing pleasure. Below is a photo with 100 cryptic movie titles for you to find. I just started this morning and I'm already at 46. How fast can you get past me?

Dearest Friend,

You know I love you. I value your opinions. I respect your ability to interpret and comprehend.

This time though, you go too far.

I signed in to gmail this morning and this is the e-mail I received from my friend.

Most of you don't know this about me: I am a certified gender expert.

It's true. I have been through 25 years of training. I have the emotional (and sometimes physical) scars to prove it. Throughout my life, I have always had some sort of vaginal and/or penile energy, influencing my decisions. For instance, yesterday I contemplated buying a new shirt because I have no clothes since I am too lazy to do laundry. This is a pretty common scenario for men. So I walked in to the GAP right outside of my office and perused the store. Immediately I went to the sale rack, and found a couple shirts that I was certainly not crazy about, but then again I rarely get "crazy" about an outfit. That particular emotion is reserved for the vageenis'. Back to my story. So I was about to buy these shirts that probably would have given me a summer or two at best. As I went up to the line to pay, the penile influence of my father was shouting in my ear "Don't do it. You need to start saving money. You don't need those shirts. Wear your clothes until they have holes in them and THEN you can go shopping." So, I put the clothes back on the rack. Penis: 1. Vageenis: 0.

Earlier this morning, I typed in to the google search engine "mens haircut" and clicked on the images button. While some of the images that appeared were of a man with hair, most of the images are of "other things." My favorite of these easter eggs I actually had to edit for the viewing public. If you REALLY want the unedited version just type in "mens haircut" yourself. Here is what came up:

May 16, NY, NY - Scientists have been researching a phenomenon that has been sweeping the nation all day: people's brains have been randomly exploding. "We are getting reports from every major city in the US." said Brian Jorkson of NIMH "It starts with a nose bleed, then people hear a sucking sound, then BOOM! Their head explodes. But we believe we found a common link." Just what is this link? The answer is as simple, as it is shocking: All of the brains belong to Democrats.