Midtown, NY April 26 - Robert Toussaint and the Pew Hispanic Center have banded together and created a new workers union: 'Blamelessly Undermining Real Documented Emigrant Naturalization' (or BURDEN for short.) The announcement came from Toussaint's jail cell in mid-town.

Although Guiliani did an unprecedented job of cleaning up the streets of New York in the past decade(+), there is and always will be a constant source of irritation for people working or living in the city.

Earth day. Saturday morning.

I was in a van with my co-workers, on my way to a softball tournament. As is usually the case, I was overtly attending to my duties of being an annoyance to my friend, Jen. My diligent efforts at pissing her off were creeping towards a mission of success.

Not to be overly modest, but throughout the years the Brothers Johnson (BJ) have spent a considerable amount of our lives being hot. It's ok. We don't mind while you take a second to agree. However, one question that has come up on numerous occasions is, "Which Johnson is hotter?" Being the overly competitive people we both are, it's only fair if I write this assessment as subjectively as possible so that it is skewed to my advantage.

It's pretty safe to say that ESPN has been one of those networks that is slowly growing into the malignant tumor that is deeply rooted inside of our brains.

Manhattan, April 21 - You've all heard about Paris Hilton's new contract with Gameloft. After a few pulled strings and many sexual favors, WierdCrap is proud to announce that we have an exclusive look at the new handheld game for mobile devices.

A favorite pastime of many households is to bash pharmaceutical companies (especially households with drug-dependant members.) I have family ties to an advertising agency in NYC, and more often than not, debates arise about social issues like soaring health care costs, and the cost of drugs in general. But there are many other reasons, some seemingly sane, and some just plain uninformed. The problem I've faced with my thoughts about these companies is a general lack of "real" information that I can trust as unbiased.

2004 was the year of the Livestrong bracelets. 2005 brought upon the "We all have AIDS" t-shirts. Which "causal" fad will sweep this nation under god in 2006? I've got a couple of ideas:

1. The "we are homeless" outfit- In honor of the victims of Hurricane Katrina and anyone else whose home was taken away from them by tornadoes, hurricanes, or loch ness monster attacks. This fad will only last for a short period of time when people begin to realize this fad already happened in 2001 when Mugatu unveiled "DERELICTE."

The author of a recent New York Times article titled: Why Stars Name Babies Moxie, Moses and Apple asserts that stars named their children weird crap because they are the new aristocrats of American society. These neuvo-royalty need to name their children Apple, Moses, etc.. because they feel that since they themselves are special, their children's names should be special as well. Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) has named his child Moxie CrimeFighter[sic] and Gwyneth Paltrow's parent's named her Gwyneth, then she in turn named her daughter Apple. But the fun doesn't stop there! Did you know that Gwyneth's Apple wasn't the first Apple? Director Peter Farrelly did it first! So not to be outdown, Mrs. Paltrow named her other kid MOSES! Friggin MOSES! (It would be cool if she actually named her kid "Friggin' Moses," but no such luck.) Children are not pets. Sure they behave and need care like pets do, but eventually they are going to grow up, and be old enough to say: "WHY THE FUCK IS MY NAME MOSES!" What are you going to do then? Sorry Dave, here's some Bullshit for you, Penn Jillette wrote: